i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
