At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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