I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize