I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
