i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
