Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
