Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
