How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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