Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
