god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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