the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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