He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i already hear my dad disowning me
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
