This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
