It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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