forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
