Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
