dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
