I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
