i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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