Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
