ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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