Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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