I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
