If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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