i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
