Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
