Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
