You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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