I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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