the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
