So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
as a side note pls kill me
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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