Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
