You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
