The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
