I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize