So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
