my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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