My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Found your dick twin last night
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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