We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
