When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
