I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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