I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
