I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize