The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
