I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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