So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
