Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
