thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
