also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
