I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
