The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize