Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
