What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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