The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
