yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
