How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
