I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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