So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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