he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
