yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
