I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
