That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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