3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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