I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize