these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
