I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
