He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
